A strange neurosis is spreading across the planet as the fashion fetish of wearing clothes has become an obession among many of our citizens.  People are no longer happy to enjoy the sun.  Instead they want to wear heavy cumbersom attire that covers their skin.
    Many are procaliming they are ugly and are afraid to look at themsleves in a mirror.  Some have formed groups where such topics as Nudity and Fashion  are discussed.  These fashion freaks have become so attached to their fashion accessories they can no longer go for a swim at the beach without covering their genitals with tight, and usually brightly coloured fetish garments. They are also buying magazines depicting people wearing these obscene creations and the Government Censor is considering banning the sale of these to minors.
    Doctors are concerened that fetish wearers are becoming vitamin D deficient and are obsessed with covering themselves to the extent that they are becoming mentally ill. 
    The business in 'clothing', the term used for these fetish creations, is booming in some places and shopkeepers are concerned their trade is falling as more people are spending their hard earned coin on useless skin coverings instead of buying food and other essentials.
    The banning of clothes at beaches this summer might see a return to normaility before the Games begin at the new Colesseum and give a respite to beach-goers that want to be normal.
Now back to the future.

   Attendence is down at Cobblers Beach at Mosman following police visits to the area which would indicate people looking for playmates are staying away in droves.  The vice squad can rest assured no naughty things are happening in the undergrowth.  All the sexy people are at home watching adult videos or sinking their teeth into salami at the gay spots in the city.

    Cronulla Beach is the least sexy beach in Australia.  Sexyox advises beach goers to stay away until further notice.  All the uncool and ugly people are there.

    Our readers inform us police are charging nude bathers at Little Congwong Beach.  Snooping police are also scouring the bush around Cobblers for people having having sex in the bushes.  There must be a crime drought in Sydney.
  Gymnophobic Randwick City Council has recently voted to oppose making La Perouse’s Little Congwong Beach  an offical “clothing optional” bathing area. The Council also said it would tell the State Government current signs at the beach had failed to enforce lawful bathing.